One day, this small guide will be expanded on and made into a book.
For the time being, we’d love to offer a guide to couples looking to throw their first hotel or house party. We will one day also offer advice on putting together a swinger friendly and still profitable swinger club, but, for the time being, we know that house and hotel parties just feel closer to what swinging is suppose to be about.
- Who is on the list
The most important part about throwing a party is who you invite. It’s usually the first mistake that people make. You can’t invite everyone to your house or hotel parties. When we throw house parties, our biggest time is spent on getting to know invitees and discussing who should come back and who shouldn’t. The first mistake we see when people attempt to throw a party is inviting people who are not swingers. We have seen hosts invite best friends, sisters, brothers, my boy in college etc. This is a quick way to ruin a party. The lifestyle is a secret fraternity. When people agree to come to a party, they are trusting the host to provide them with a fun time surrounded by real swingers. When they talk to someone at your party, they are spending a precious part of their evening hoping to meet someone that they will want to have sex with later on that night. What they don’t want, is for you to “hoe” them and their partner out to your friends and family. Swinging is not a sex market, it’s an intimate fantasy adventure between consenting adults.
People not affiliated with the lifestyle don’t know the rules of discretion and etiquette. They are only there to “see the show” and this can turn horrible fairly quickly. Naturally, people have defense mechanisms. Things they do when they don’t feel comfortable. For many people, at a swinger party, this usually means doing something that takes their mind off of sex. Commentating, telling jokes, and talking loud are all signs that someone is uncomfortable at a swinger party. As a host, you will be tempted to cater to your non-swingers at the party (read below, a serious no no), which will further ruin the party.
Thus, our best advice, is to make sure that the people you invite have a genuine interest in swinging. No one ever has to play at a party, but they do have to have an interest in exploring the lifestyle. We recommend always verbally talking to every person who comes to your party. When people talk vocally, they build a stronger trust bond than, say, sending a text or an email.
Also, keep the guest list convenient for the space. Your average 2 suite hotel will comfortably hold 20 to 25 people. Add another room and you can increase it by 10 to 12. We usually allow 4 people for every 1 playspace we have created. We normally have 6 playspaces at our parties, so the cap is limited to 24.
Of course, just having an interest in swinging is not the only qualification you should establish. There are sometimes where other swingers and even close swinger friends should not receive the invite.
- Settle on the type of swinger party you want
A swinger party will either be fullswap or softswap. It can not be both. At least not at a play party (but certainly at a meetngreet). They are two completely different types of swinging, and inviting a mix of the two creates more confusion than it will play. A lot of people attempt to invite both types, and find out that it is like mixing water and oil. Soft swinging parties move at a slower pace, and usually include activities that are not “sexual” or swinging related. Fullswap parties are more direct and encompass a sexual theme. When the two types of swingers coincide, your party moves at a slower pace, as now, your guests have to not just worry about building a connection, but asking the awkward question of, what type of swinger are you. Then have to deal with the even more awkward situation of hanging around a party with people they have had to turn down. It is a far easier time to gear your party for fullswap, and insure that everyone understands beforehand, that the party is made up of fullswappers or people interested in fullswapping.
You also have to protect the integrity of your party. This means making sure not to invite anyone you think will bring drama. A lot of times, this means not inviting close friends who have problems in their relationship.
Finally, invite people you feel will be genuinely compatible with one another. In our About Us section, we talk about demographics. We know that an older couple that visibly looks older is not going to have a great time at a party of mostly early 30s guests. It is unfair to both sets of friends to invite them. The more compatible the people at your party, the more likely it is for the party to move fluidly into a night of pleasure. Having even one or two guests that no one wants to play with, makes others hesitant to start playing.
- Create a sexy setting
Certainly one of the biggest turnoffs for any couple is walking into a party that does not feel “sexy”. Swinging is not turning over on Saturday morning, realizing the kids are gone and having sex. It’s a night built around sex. Again, people are trusting you to help them explore their fantasies. This means making it as romantic, comfortable and sensual as possible. We’ve been to some amazing swinger clubs in our lifetime. People should feel like they are in a different kind of world when they step into your party. Colored lights, incense, candles, and sensual scents are a great start. Whether it’s when they come in or midway through the night, the host should be the first to slip into lingerie.
Lighting can be key. Bright lights kill the sensual mood that can be created with shadows.
Music should be to the liking of the host, but should always be at a low volume. Part of a sexy setting is creating an atmosphere for communication and pillow talk. Swinging is 90% communication and 10% sex. There’s nothing worse than walking into a house and hearing loud, thumping base and spending the night yelling over it to try to get to know a couple. Remember, you are throwing a swinger party, not a dance party. And no one can swing if they can not talk to potential playmates for the evening. When choosing the music, no matter what genre you choose, make sure its sexual. We have attended swinger parties where gospel music was playing, gangsta rap, and christian rock. If you don’t know what music you can’t go wrong with jazz or R&B.
When making a sexy atmosphere, you should make sure that all distractions are eliminated. Unless you’re showing pornography, the television should never come on at a party. It is a quick way to kill or prevent the escalation of the mood. The worst parties we have attended have been those where the TV comes on. People who are attending their first party are nervous to begin with. Getting in the mood can take a while. If you have distractions at your party, it gives them a place to go to avoid the actual swinging. What we like to do is keep the porn on until 11pm. Then you have to cut off the tv to get the party going. If people are not playing or at least preparing to play at your party within 4 hours of the party starting, you have failed at setting a sensual mood.
- Adequate playspace
Where are people going to fuck? That is what you need to ask yourself as you set up your atmosphere. The more play space the better. Hotel or House party, moving furniture should be a part of your preparation. You want to open up areas as much as possible. Where there are no beds, throw down blankets and pillows, especially if you are going to have a nice size crowd. When we ran a club, we discovered a huge section of the building that was just not being used when play started. We turned it into the pyramid, a combination of mattresses and pillows that became an amazingly popular orgy area. If you can, its also great to create a “non” play space. An area where people can always go to rest, chill out and prep back up. Make sure that every play space has at least 20 condoms nearby. We recommend at least 2 separate playspaces. This allows two areas to play in. If a couple is trying to avoid someone (and it happens) they have a whole other room to be in.
And please, do not skimp on the condoms. I recommend strongly buying Skin Large Non Latex free condoms and Truxex Large ordor free condoms. One of women’s biggest turnoffs is performing oral on a guy who smells and tastes like latex. Also make sure there is lube near the play spaces.
Make sure play spaces are clearly pointed out. Nothing is more confusing than not knowing where to play. When sex begins at a swinger party, it can be contagious. Don’t hamper it by not letting couples know up front where they can play. Also, make sure that the places are setup before the party starts. Part of atmosphere is giving people the impression off the bat that this IS a swinger party. Also, make sure lube is nearby. The play spaces should feel naughty and sexy. So adding some sex toys, even if they arn’t being used, adds to the mystic. The goal is to make the place feel like its somewhere else, its an island where they can let their inner fantasies loose.
- Cleansing items
One of the biggest secrets to keeping a party going all night has nothing to do with the above and everything to do with the little things. If you have a place for people to wash themselves after play, they will stay around longer and play again. We have a set list at drugstore.com. In addition to condoms, we recommend buying Summer’s Eve feminine wash for all bathrooms and individually wrapped personal cleaning cloths (we use Playtex Petals). Please, under no circumstance do you buy the tub of cleansing pads. They are not large enough and will dry out well before play even starts. It also is unsanitary as people touch other pads to get to the one they want. Also, make sure you have plenty of towels. If you are at a hotel, call and order lots of towels throughout the day. If a house party, go to a dollar store and stock up.
It is also imperative, that you have at least 2 bathrooms at a lifestyle event. An old friend once told me, you need two things for any swinger party. Light finger food and bathrooms. So women can feel full and sexy throughout the night. One bathroom creates one place for every woman to refresh and will quickly become overused if not maintained. Two or three bathrooms gives a lot of leeway to keep the rest rooms clean, and fresh throughout the night.
- Orchestrate the Evening
It is up to the hosts to move the party along. Do so without being pushy. Parties should be pressure free, yet still designed around an evening of intimate adventure. What works for us is to have some type of communication contest going on throughout the evening. For instance, ladies receive X at the door, Guys have to ask for X. Whoever collects the most wins. We know another party in Columbus that uses ID cards with little stickers on it that indicate preferences. They then play a game every hour based on the stickers. This too is another great conversation starter. As the party moves on, its up to the hosts to figure out how exactly to ratchet up the sexual tension of the room. Usually about midnight or slightly before, we play a light sex game with willing guests. Once this gets going, like we said earlier, sex is contagious. If you’ve created a sexually charged atmosphere, everyone will get drawn in on the act.
- Mind the Menu
Another little tidbit is the food you have. Too often, people have no idea what to serve at a swinger party. Start with no milk-based products or fried foods. Neither of these’t sit well on the stomach when preparing for strenuous activity. Try to get foods high in protein and light, to help replenish people’s energies. Heavy starches and sugars will cause a quick end to your night of debauchery. You can’t go wrong with light snacks. Cheeses, cold cuts, crackers and fresh fruit are the limit to what we’ll serve at a party. For something sweet we’ll have a light angel food cake and an assortment of dipping sauces.
- Keep it Legal
We always recommend for people to keep their party legal. No drugs, no underaged drinking (we never even invite people under the age of 21). When you’re talking about a night of mind blowing sex, why bring things that can ruin the party. As a host, your goal should be to keep your party attendees safe in and after the party. If you provide alcohol at your party, and that person gets into an accident because they are too drunk, you are partially, and potentially legally, responsible. If someone in the hallway of your hotel smells weed, you are the one losing your money and getting kicked out.